People argue over whether self-diagnosis is valid for autism. I don’t really understand it. The diagnosis itself opens very few gates for adults. So what, exactly, are the gatekeepers keeping?
Realizing that I’m autistic is like unlocking a door to my own brain, my unique way of thinking and being in the world. It’s a relief, a moment of clarity that helps me make sense of decades of confusion and seeking. This is who I have always been and will always be. We can call it any number of things – and indeed, have throughout my lifetime. Recognizing it as autism means I finally have the manual to how things work for me.
It’s like I’ve been driving a car that isn’t shifting gears properly and suddenly realize it isn’t automatic. Oh, well, that explains a shit ton of the problems. It’s a manual shift, and I kept thinking something was wrong with the car because it stalled out and did not do what other cars on the road were doing.
Now that I know it’s a manual shift, I’ve been researching other cars that work the same way. Everything I’ve learned only validates my realization. Suppose I were to go to a mechanic who didn’t know that this particular make or year of car could be a manual shift. In that case, they might continue reinforcing that the car’s just a messed-up automatic.
Of course, I could get lucky and get an incredibly knowledgeable mechanic who has read the latest technical updates and confirms that “yes, indeed, you have one of those manual cars we always thought wasn’t a thing because of the make and model.”
Part of the problem is that those mechanics are booked solid and cost thousands of dollars in the States. And at the end of the day, what I’ve received is confirmation about what my lived experience (combined with reading all of those latest technical updates myself) had already made clear.
In the same way that I’m transgender because of who I am and not because of the diagnosis from my therapist, I am autistic because who I am and how my brain works matches the neurotype of autism.
I don’t need medical mediation to know these things about myself.
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Photo by Paul Esch-Laurent on Unsplash