Healing Notes from the Edge of Embodiement

Facing the Storm: Notes from the Edge of Embodiment

By Rooze McKelvey | by Rooze McKelvey

…That is my goal. To stop being in survival mode only to come up short 5, 10, 40 years later and recognize that my life is driven by my unresolved past. To know that today is real and I am in it as fully as possible. It sounds so simple, and for many folks, it is. For me, I feel like I’ve been struggling in the ocean in the middle of a hurricane, trying not to drown. Therapy gave me a boat, which has been much better than swallowing seawater in the relentless waves. And now I’m noticing that despite the boat feeling, and actually being, a safer place to be, I’m still in the middle of the same damn storm.

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A Life Disordered Autism Microdosing Reality

Unarmored

By Rooze McKelvey | by Rooze McKelvey

I pause on “unarmored,” uncertain if it is a word. My brain wants to say “disarmored,” like “disarmed,” but that isn’t right.Unarmed is without weapons. Vulnerable. Like walking into conflict, arms outspread. The place of “Let’s find another way. Together.”  Disarmed is to have one’s weapons taken away or incapacitated in some manner—forced vulnerability. Rather than a sense of openness, it is a place of fear. The place of “What the fuck happens next?” and “Please, don’t hurt me.”So to be “unarmored” is to choose to be vulnerable. To be open to the world. To find another way.

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A Life Disordered Autism

Shifting Gears: Understanding My Autistic Mind

By Rooze McKelvey | by Rooze McKelvey

Realizing that I’m autistic is like unlocking a door to my own brain, my unique way of thinking and being in the world. It’s a relief, a moment of clarity that helps me make sense of decades of confusion and seeking. This is who I have always been and will always be. We can call it any number of things and indeed, have throughout my lifetime. Recognizing it as autism means I finally have the manual to how things work for me.

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Living Microdosing Reality

The Anxiety List – Part One

By Rooze McKelvey | by Rooze McKelvey

It’s almost 6 a.m., and I’m sitting in a cabin on a cliff at the edge of the Pacific Ocean. The relentless rain turns the tin-roofed cabin into an immersive acoustic experience—slightly like popcorn in a microwave but far more relaxing. Microwaving popcorn is stressful. The list of seemingly mundane activities that increase my anxiety would fill notebooks and far more therapy sessions than my FSA account would allow. 

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Healing Life Lessons

The Generous Heart: Sharing Joy

By Rooze McKelvey | by Rooze McKelvey

Recently, I read the quote, “If something makes you happy, protect it.” On the surface, it makes complete sense. People can be cruel, even with the best of intentions. And sharing something precious exposes it to ridicule, misunderstandings, and questions. Like the old saying about ships being safe in a port but meant for the sea, happiness can be kept safe by locking it away, but it is intended to be shared. It grows exponentially when given freely, without expectation, without an agenda. 

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Frameworks Goals Microdosing Reality

Lily Padding It

By Rooze McKelvey | by Rooze McKelvey

Setting goals isn’t always the best approach, and certainly it isn’t for everyone despite the pervasiveness of it in our culture. One of my favorite alternative frameworks is the concept of “Lily padding it”, a phrase inspired entirely by Stephen Shapiro’s conversation with one of his friends during a time when he was trying to figure out his life plan…

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