A Life Disordered Autism Microdosing Reality

Unarmored

I pause on “unarmored,” uncertain if it is a word. My brain wants to say “disarmored,” like “disarmed,” but that isn’t right.Unarmed is without weapons. Vulnerable. Like walking into conflict, arms outspread. The place of “Let’s find another way. Together.”  Disarmed is to have one’s weapons taken away or incapacitated in some manner—forced vulnerability. Rather than a sense of openness, it is a place of fear. The place of “What the fuck happens next?” and “Please, don’t hurt me.”So to be “unarmored” is to choose to be vulnerable. To be open to the world. To find another way.

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A Life Disordered Autism

Shifting Gears: Understanding My Autistic Mind

Realizing that I’m autistic is like unlocking a door to my own brain, my unique way of thinking and being in the world. It’s a relief, a moment of clarity that helps me make sense of decades of confusion and seeking. This is who I have always been and will always be. We can call it any number of things and indeed, have throughout my lifetime. Recognizing it as autism means I finally have the manual to how things work for me.

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